Kitschton Hunolula (kitschtheory) wrote,
Kitschton Hunolula

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The one where I prefer to act

Can we be totally honest with ourselves? Can we look at ourselves and judge as critically as we were someone else? Or would we rather close one eye and accept ourselves for what is shown on the surface? But then again ...

Is that who we really are?

Are we just another hypocrite that we are so against?
Are we just another blob of dot in a mass of contradictions?

Or are we part of a conspiracy to another human life? Do we live to create an effect in another person whether bad or good and he in return will do the same to another being who then again will continue the cycle. Like an overused washing machine. Obediently spinning, spinning, spinning till it wears out and dies.

I've been getting questions of what I wuld like to do in my future prior to my graduation. To which all answers I could come up with is a smile and a slight shrug of the shoulders. A shrug of defeat. Not at what my future holds but at the defeatness of answering a simple question.

Or is it not as simple as it's made to be?

What do I want to be?
Who is my Idol?
What is my inner desires?

All these changes with time. It changes as your hair grows by centimetres. It changes as winter changes to spring. It changes at every waking second. I can't answer because it's mine. It is my hope. My desire. My dream. And nobody except for myself have the right to know what I refuse to disclose in my act of ignorance.

I want to be contradicing. 
I want to share. 
I want to be selfish. 
I want to love. 
I want to hate. 

After all, I am just an actress. Emotions and feelings are my daily salvation.

Tags: missing old man.
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